There is nothing like seeing your new grandson for the first time. Ryder Jon Willingham was born Tuesday, Feb. 23 at 9:09 pm. he weighed in at 7lbs and 15ozs and was 22 inches long. He has been under the oxygen tent and in Huntsville's nicu so I haven't been able to hold him yet. I can's wait until I can hold him in my arms. I am flooded with emotion when I think about all of the things that have happened the last 7-8 months. There have been summer vacations, a baseball season, a new school year, Thanksgiving, Christmas, a New Year, birthdays and special times spent with family and friends...all without Jon. There is not a day that goes by without many thoughts and memories of times spent together. Now this new life is present, softening real life a bit. Psalms 118:23 says, "The Lord has done this, and it is amazing to see."

Better Than a Hallelujah

I love these lyrics. It's from the new Amy Grant CD, Somewhere Down the Road.

God is who He says He is!

Here it is Feb. 2010! The holidays have come and gone and I'm still hanging on to life and to the reality of everything. Everyday is filled with thoughts of Jon but usually in a happy "remembering" way. The ladies prayer group at Cross Point gave me some wind chimes to put in my "Jon garden". Just about every morning that I have time to wake up and listen I will hear them chiming right outside my bedroom window. I always think Jon is blowing them around for me to hear. This always
brings happy thoughts to mind.
We have been studing "Believing God" by Beth Moore for the last few months. Several things in this study have spoken to me directly. One is that God promises that where the need is great, grace abounds more. Like the manna in the wilderness there is always just enough for our need. The reason we don't crumble to the fear or discouragement in our lives is because the presence of God is always in the middle of our circumstance. Even if we don't see Him right away, He is there...I think that is where faith comes into the picture. I want to grab onto the Lord with everything that I have and trust in His ability to succeed and not mine! I know that God is counting on me to get up everyday and give Him the glory. I hold on to these words of Jesus in John 16:33
"I have told you this, so that you might have peace in your hearts because of me. While you are in the world, you will have to suffer. But cheer up! I have defeated the world"

A God Story

One of the sweet reminders Christmas brings is that God shows up in the most unlikely places. Not just in the big, fancy churches, but out among the everyday folks. In the storefronts and shelters, in all of lifes troubles and uncertainties-the days when it feels like "there's just no room in the inn." God's right there with us--powerful and poor alike--guiding and loving us the way only He can do. What a sweet promise to cling to. What a wonderful reason to praise His holy name!

I don't know if it is well known that a portion of the chain Jon wore around his neck was found in the car following his accident. I took the pieces to a local jeweler and they made a bracelett with the pieces adding Jon's birthstone and those of Josh, Ginger and Rhett. I thought it was beautiful. Friday somewhere between home, school, and the Sugar Plum market it fell off my wrist. I didn't notice it until late that night. That next morning I just told myself that if God wanted me to find my bracelett He would find it for me...I called someone working at SP Market and someone who was going to be at Mars Hill for a ballgame Sat. morning to just look around and see if they found it. I did pray about finding it knowing and believing that if it were meant to be I would find it. That night I got a call. Someone found my bracelett somewhere in the gym and put it in the concession stand so it would be found easily. WOW. I am so thankful to have found my sentimental bracelett with God's help!

This morning an angel called and wanted to put my Christmas tree up. Now you have to know someone loves you if they volunteer to put your Christmas tree up!! I have been struggling emotionally the last few days knowing that the holidays were going to be harder than I thought. I have just not been into the Christmas decorating thing, but was trying to do the best that I could. What a blessing it was to come home to a beautifully decorated tree. I am so thankful for loving, caring friends who are the living, breathing image of God here on this earth.

A favorite scripture of mine

Blessed are you, O Lord, the God of Israel our father, forever and ever. Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdon, O Lord, and you are exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all. Now we thank you, our God, and praise your glorious name. I Chronicles 29:11-13

Holidays, memories and more

As I write down my thoughts so much has happened. Jon's birthday has come and gone (Oct. 19),Thanksgiving has come and gone and so many emotions have flooded my heart.
We celebrated Jon's life Oct. 19 at Diann's house. Emotions were crazy as we thought about how Jon had blessed all of our lives.

Thanksgiving has brought new feeling to the surface as I try to honor Jon in special ways. Before our Thanksgiving meal, I lit a special candle and told one of my favorite "Jon" stories and asked everyone to share one of theirs. Here was mine. One day I was in the kitchen and Jon came down from upstairs. I was burning a Christmas cookie candle and as he came down and into the kitchen he said, "This smells good enough to eat!" Everytime I smell a Christmas cookie candle I think about Jon and how uninhibited he was about expressing whatever it was that he felt...I want to live my live like that, unafraid to express whatever it is that I'm feeling. I sent one of these candles over seas when he was in the Navy...he told me later, "Thanks mom, but no candles on the ship." Burn a Christmas cookie candle in Jon's memory during the holidays and let me know about it!

This past weekend we flew to San Antonio, Tx to be with a first cousin of David's. I think that he was thinking that we needed a change during the holidays...anyway we attended worship at Oak Hills church where Max Lacado preaches. It was such an inspiring service and one I will never forget! I know one thing for sure, there are no random acts in this world. God had full intentions of David and me being at that service that Sunday morning. The lesson was about the 10 leapers and only one coming back to say thank you...we have all heard that story and probably know it by heart, here is the twist, he asked his wife to stand in the audience and told her in front of the crowd of about 1000 that he love her, was thankful for her and appreciated her alwasy believing in him and supporting him. Next he asked his son-in-law to stand up and said that he always thought that there would never be anyone good enough for his daughter. He thanked him for loving his daughter, taking care of his daughter and being the Christian man that he was. As his voice cracked he said, "You see, it isn't always easy to say thank you to those you need to say thank you to, but it is ALWAYS the right thing to do"...WOW! We all know that is true. Next we received a paper leaf (various colors)on which we were to right what we were thankful for. As I begin writing I can honestly say that I am so thankful for all of the things Jon taught me. How he made me laugh and how much fun he brought into our family. How he loved Josh, Ginger and Rhett. How he loved a good card game. How he loved people. How mad he made me when he would do something really stupid. How close he and David were. How he would say, "I love you, mom." I learned so much through his struggles. I know he felt so trapped there until God's love and grace took over and set him free. I know he is in a much better place and I am so thankful for that. He is truly at peace.

Dec.13 is the date for the annual candle light service. This service will be at Cross Point church of Christ at 3. Come support friends and honor Jon and others you know who have lost precious children.

One last thought, I found this awesome book while we were out of town this past weekend...Giraffes Can't Dance. Love it! It is a story about a giraffe named Gerald who couldn't dance. The other animals did a wonderful job of dancing and when it was Gerald's turn he just froze, walked off the dance floor and started walking home sad and alone. He met a cricket who believed in him and told him, "Sometimes when you're different you just need a different song." Well, you guessed it, when Gerold heard "his" song he really could dance. This book made me think about Jon so much...he just needed a different song. Now he has a beautiful song, "his" song, and is dancing the most beautiful waltz ever!

The Journey Continues

So much has happened since my last post...school started, found out that I am going to be a grandmother again, Josh, Ginger and Rhett have gotten home, Alabama football is in full swing (Jon's favorite), and I have just returned from an awesome weekend with some of the most wonderful Christian women that I know. We participated in the best praise and worship ever and heard a much needed message from the Word of God. I am blessed.

I want to seek God to find him, not to see Him perform. I love Him because He is my God, not to see what He can do for me. Everytime that Jesus shows Himself to me I want to be changed. I know that the secrets of the kingdom belong to those who seek Him and I want to know those secrets!

Several things that were said this weekend touched me deeply. One of them was about our wounds. In Ps 147:3 It says,"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds". But what happens when our wounds don't heal? Ps 38:5 says they fester and are loathsome and Isaiah 1:6 says unhealed wounds hurt you from the sole of your feet to the top of your head. So what does that say to me? That my personal pain can become like an idol to me if I let it. Personal pain and loss has changed my life. I'll never get over losing Jon and I will forever hang on to the precious memories that I have of him...but God trusts that I will live my life with the hope of seeing Jon again...of not living in dispair. I want to honor that trust. I want my life to be defined by my experiences because our personal experiences do make us who we are...what I don't want is for my experiences to be all that I am...I don't want them to be my idol.

October 19th is Jon's birthday...it would have been his 28th. We will celebrate his life and share memories of him that day. Keep us in your prayers as we march past these mile stones along this journey we are traveling. Thanks for your love and concern and most of all for loving us, loving Jon and just caring.