Your Hands with Lyrics JJ Heller

Community of Faith

Saturday my cell phone just died. It wouldn't even turn on . I lost my numbers and everything. I had saved several voice mails over the past several years. A message that Josh left me when he found out he and Ginger were expecting Rhett, several birthday and Mother's day messages from family and a message from Jon that just happened to still be on my phone when his accident happened. It was really a sweet memory when it showed up one day this summer. You know how it goes, you have a voice mail, then when one is about to be discarded it comes up and says "One old message" and then there was Jon's voice saying, "Hey mom this is Jon, just call me when you get this message". WOW did that ever throw me for a loop! I just couldn't wait every month for that sweet voice to come up and warm my heart. You can imagine how I felt when I thought I had lost that message from Jon. I almost cried. I found out that my card had been saved and the message was on my card. I heard it today and was ecstatic! Along the same line I have saved the shirt Jon wore the day of his accident, never washed it. I have it hanging on my clothes basket. It smells just like Jon. When I smell it I am taken back to those precious days of living.

Lots of thoughts are going through my head. My "community of faith" that I so dearly love has lovingly cared for me through these last 9 months. C.S. Lewis once said, "In friendship, we think we have chosen our peers. In reality, a few years differences in the dates of our birth, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another, posting to different regiments, the accident of a topic being raised or not at a first meeting...any of these changes might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are strictly speaking, no chances. A secret Master of Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, 'You have not chosen me but I have chosen you,' can truly say to every group of Christian friends, 'You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another.'"

Dreams

I love dreams. I really do. I just don't dream that much, or at least I don't dream much that I remember. I am going to tell you about 3 dreams that I have had since Jon's death. The first dream is about Jon. I had wanted to dream about Jon and one night about 3 weeks after his death I had this dream. It was so real to me. I was in this room with 3- 4 friends. We were all talking and one friend had this phone attached to the back of her neck. She said that she had an ear infection and that is why she had this phone "attached" to her. (I know this is really strange but this is how it went). All of a sudden I heard Jon's voice. I started calling his name and just wondering where he was. I was very anixous. All of a sudden I heard him say, "Mom, I'm with granddaddy!" That was it. WoW! If there was any doubt of where Jon was this confirmed it to me. How comforting.

The second dream was before we knew that Josh and Ginger were expecting another baby. I dreamed that they were expecting a baby. The next day I asked Ginger if she was pregnant. She said that they were going to tell us that day. What a blessing this has been.

The last dream happened this past week. I dreamed about my boys as toddlers. It was nothing spectacular, just a sweet, sweet family dream. I really didn't even remember that I had dreamed the dream until I was on my way home from working out. I was stopped at a red light and I thought...I dreamed about Jon last night. Sweet!

Dreams can be comforting, funny, revealing or just sweet remembrances. I hope there are more to come.

I will believe the voice of Truth!

You know there are so many things in this life that might give me conflicting feelings. My old nature seems to keep raising it's ugly head claiming to be alive...but through Christ, I am being remade. God is retelling my story in Jesus. Rob Bell says it best, "We are all longing to be comfortable in our own skin. But the thing we are searching for is not somewhere else. It is right here. And we can only find it when we give up the search, when we surrender, when we trust. Trust that God is already putting us back together. Trust that through dying to the old, the new can give birth. Trust that Jesus can repair the scarred and broken image. It is trusting that I am loved. That I always have been. That I always will be I don't have to do anything. I don't have to prove anything or achieve anything or accomplish one more thing. That exactly as I am, I am totally accepted, forgiven, and there is nothing I could ever do to lose this acceptance. God knew exactly what he was doing when he made you and me. There are no accidents. We need to embrace our true identity,who we are in Christ, letting this new awareness transform our lives."

How freeing it is to trust that grace pays the bill for all of us!

How comforting it is to realize that because Jon, being a baptized believer and moving in the direction of Jesus was covered by that grace that pays the bill for all of us. Satan would have us to believe differently but "the voice of Truth tells me a different story, the voice of Truth says, 'do not be afraid'.. The voice of Truth says, 'this is for my glory'. Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth!"

There is nothing like seeing your new grandson for the first time. Ryder Jon Willingham was born Tuesday, Feb. 23 at 9:09 pm. he weighed in at 7lbs and 15ozs and was 22 inches long. He has been under the oxygen tent and in Huntsville's nicu so I haven't been able to hold him yet. I can's wait until I can hold him in my arms. I am flooded with emotion when I think about all of the things that have happened the last 7-8 months. There have been summer vacations, a baseball season, a new school year, Thanksgiving, Christmas, a New Year, birthdays and special times spent with family and friends...all without Jon. There is not a day that goes by without many thoughts and memories of times spent together. Now this new life is present, softening real life a bit. Psalms 118:23 says, "The Lord has done this, and it is amazing to see."

Better Than a Hallelujah

I love these lyrics. It's from the new Amy Grant CD, Somewhere Down the Road.

God is who He says He is!

Here it is Feb. 2010! The holidays have come and gone and I'm still hanging on to life and to the reality of everything. Everyday is filled with thoughts of Jon but usually in a happy "remembering" way. The ladies prayer group at Cross Point gave me some wind chimes to put in my "Jon garden". Just about every morning that I have time to wake up and listen I will hear them chiming right outside my bedroom window. I always think Jon is blowing them around for me to hear. This always
brings happy thoughts to mind.
We have been studing "Believing God" by Beth Moore for the last few months. Several things in this study have spoken to me directly. One is that God promises that where the need is great, grace abounds more. Like the manna in the wilderness there is always just enough for our need. The reason we don't crumble to the fear or discouragement in our lives is because the presence of God is always in the middle of our circumstance. Even if we don't see Him right away, He is there...I think that is where faith comes into the picture. I want to grab onto the Lord with everything that I have and trust in His ability to succeed and not mine! I know that God is counting on me to get up everyday and give Him the glory. I hold on to these words of Jesus in John 16:33
"I have told you this, so that you might have peace in your hearts because of me. While you are in the world, you will have to suffer. But cheer up! I have defeated the world"